I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
