True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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