and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
