Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
