What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Two words: blizzard sex
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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