I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
