I cockslap morals
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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