Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
