Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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