Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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