I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Your dad touched me again.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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