Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
last night I used snow as a chaser
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