If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
