he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You have to summon your inner elephant
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
