New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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