he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize