Why are handjobs necessary in class?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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