I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
