Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
honey bunches of taint.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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