maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
