it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
