I accidentally had phone sex last night
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize