I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
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