You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
