Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize