Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
