At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
