I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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