im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
