apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize