Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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