I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
