Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
