so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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