Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
