Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
