i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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