And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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