Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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