we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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