: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize