so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
