I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
