i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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