Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
