we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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