It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
its liver damage thursday
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize