I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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