I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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