Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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