Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
