that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
