Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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