just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
