I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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