If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
