A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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