Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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