it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
