so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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