So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
