so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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