What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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