Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
