Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
do herpes really smell.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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