Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
