I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
