I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I AM VODKA MAN
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
