I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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