I look better un-naked...
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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