The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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