My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
