dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
