i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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