I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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