i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I didn't notice because vodka
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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