I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
