she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
