Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Randomize
