Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
