I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
