So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
