Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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