i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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