it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize