We got so high we made milksteak
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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