I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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