You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
