the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
