Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
either way he was missing a nipple.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
