I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
there is glitter all over my balls
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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