All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
